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New World Library Unshelved

New World Library Unshelved

Positive news and inspiring views from the New World Library community

Wednesday, February 13, 2019
“Do You Love Yourself? 5 Signs That You May Lack Self-Love” by guest blogger Christine Arylo, author of MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME




“Do You Love Yourself?” is not a yes-or-no question. Most people are strong at making self-loving choices in some ways, and weak in other ways. 

For example:

  • You could be a rock star at work, confident and put together, but a mess in your love life.
  • You could appear to have lots of self-esteem and self-trust (two kinds of self-love) on the outside but beat yourself up on the inside.
  • You could have wonderful relationships with the people in your life, but when it comes to your body, it’s like you’re at war.
  • You could be settling for less: living a “fine” or even great-looking life but not the life your heart and soul actually desires.
  • Other people could love and respect you for who you are and all you do, but on the inside you know you are sacrificing your own health and happiness.

Self-love is the foundation of a person’s happiness, health, relationships, career — everything.

A lack of self-love is at the root of every challenge and self-sabotaging or self-limiting choice we make. Yet most people don’t truly know what self-love is. 

Almost 20 years ago, I realized that I had self-esteem but lacked self-love — and as a result I almost created a marriage and a life I didn’t even desire. But when I asked my therapist, my spiritual teachers, my family, and my friends what self-love was, I either got blank stares or vague, esoteric platitudes that I “needed to learn to love myself.”

But I wanted to know HOW to love myself, and how to know whether I was doing it well or not. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes again. I wanted to go deeper, to know my heart, so I could stay true to myself in all parts of my life. 

So I started experimenting, learning with myself, and I found that loving yourself is a path, a practice, and a choice — not a destination or an achievement you can check off. For the past decade, I’ve taught over 35,000 people through bestselling books, and I’ve trained teachers, therapists, coaches, parents, and guides on 6 continents. 

And one thing I know is that there are REAL steps to creating a strong self-love foundation for yourself. 

  • The first step is self-awareness — understanding where you are weak and where you are strong in self-love, so you can strengthen your inner foundation. You can’t focus on everything at one time. 
  • The second step is self-empowerment — choosing to strengthen your self-love by choosing to do things differently.

Today, on Self-Love Day — February 13th — an international event I created 12 years ago, people in over 40 countries will:

  1. Take a pause to assess where their self-love is weak and strong, to identify what area of self-love to grow and strengthen this year.
  2. Make a promise to themselves — which they will keep all year long — that supports them to strengthen their capacity to make self-loving choices in this area. 

I invite you to join us — to reveal where you can grow your inner foundation of self-love, and as a result make shift happen from the inside out in your life. 

5 Signs That You Are Loving Yourself … or Not (and the Promises You Can Make to Yourself to Love Yourself Better)

As I’ve shared these self-love signs with people around the world, what I’ve continually heard is, “Wow! I didn’t even know that was a result of lacking self-love.” 

First, watch this video and learn the 5 signs that you have, or don’t have, self-love. 

Then make a promise to focus on the places you need love the most, from yourself.

Are you:

  1. Settling, in any way, for less than your heart and soul desire in your life? Playing small. Letting fear stop you. Sacrificing your dreams. Procrastinating. Listening to conventional wisdom instead of going for the life your heart and soul are craving.

    SELF LOVE PROMISE: I promise to never settle for less than my heart and soul desire.

  2. Staying in relationships that don’t support you or fully honor you? Relationships that drain you or degrade you, dishonor you in any way. Are you holding on to friends, lovers, or clients who aren’t supporting you to grow or be your best self? Lacking the kinds of friendships you deserve or the right number of soul family members around you?

    SELF-LOVE PROMISE: I promise to only have loving, respectful relationships.

  3. Being hard on yourself? Criticizing instead of appreciating yourself. Putting pressure on yourself.

    SELF-LOVE PROMISE: I promise to be gentle, kind, and compassionate with myself, always.

  4. Treating your body poorly? Neglecting it. Treating it like a workhorse or slave. Being mean to it. Hating on it, instead of adoring it and treating it like a temple, even with wrinkles and cellulite.

    SELF LOVE PROMISE: I promise to treat my body like a sacred temple.

  5. Sacrificing what you really desire and what you need, giving more than you have to give.

    SELF-LOVE PROMISE: I promise to take care of and stay true to myself, even if that means disappointing another.
These are all signs that you are not loving yourself. And this is the realm of your self-love foundation what I call the self-love gate. It’s what you most need to focus on this year, making and keeping the promise to love yourself in this way.


Make Shift Happen in Your Life Now

  1. Choose one area of self-love to grow — choose the one that feels like it will have the most impact on your life this year, the area you really desire to see change in.
  2. Make ONE promise that will help you give yourself the love you most need this year. You can use the self-love promises written here or write your own. To learn more about choosing a self-love promise, you can get a free Self-Love Promise Kit here
  3. Write down your promise as an act of committing to it.
  4. Write down one small but mighty action you will take this week to keep your promise.

I’ll go first…

PROMISE: I promise to stay true to myself, even if that means disappointing another. 

ACTION: I will keep my commitment to always take space for myself after leading a retreat or having a big event. So the day after Self-Love Day, no work! Just Christine time, even though I have lots of work to do to get ready for the Path of Self-Love School’s spring semester.

Now it’s your turn…  

# # #

Christine Arylo, MBA, is the author of Madly in Love with Me and Choosing ME before WE. A women’s leadership adviser, transformational teacher, and bestselling author, she works with people to make shift happen — in the lives they lead, the work they do, and the impact they desire to make. Arylo now hosts the Feminine Power Time podcast ( and is also the founder of the Path of Self-Love School, a social-impact organization dedicated to making the teachings of self-love available to all people, everywhere. 






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