Free U.S. Shipping on orders over $20.00

share:

New World Library Unshelved

New World Library Unshelved

Positive news and inspiring views from the New World Library community


Thursday, September 05, 2013
Values and Success by guest blogger Nancy Anderson
 

If you are not reaching the goals that are important to you, chances are your values are in conflict. One part of you wants one result, and the other wants something very different. To resolve the inner war, ask yourself if what you think you have to have is what you truly need.

Do you recall a time when you were glad you did not get what you wanted because it was not what you needed? You desperately wanted a job and later you discovered the company was in financial trouble. You thought that when you obtained a certain object it would fill your empty heart, only to discover that it merely emptied your bank account. Or you had an unshakable attachment to someone and when the relationship ended you fell apart. Later, you realized you did not even like the person.

Values in the Second Half of Life

The second half of life is the time to discover what will give you emotional and spiritual satisfaction. With the distractions of youth behind you — trying on different personas, competing with peers, striving for recognition, pursuing sexual partners, and rearing children — you can figure out what your authentic self wants to do.
According to the late psychologist Murray Bowen, becoming authentic depends on the ability to separate your thoughts and feelings from those of your family and others. In the face of disapproval or pressure to conform, “you can distinguish between thinking that is based on a careful assessment of facts from thinking that is clouded by emotion.” You can agree with another’s viewpoint or you can disagree, without becoming angry, disconnected, or emotionally reactive.

On the other hand, when you are entangled emotionally — or “fused,” as Bowen calls the state of being in the kind of melted-together relationship idealized by popular love songs — you can’t think clearly because you do not experience yourself as a separate, whole individual. You and a spouse, lover, or family member live in a mutual-delusion society, where truth dare not enter.

Looking for Security in the Right Place

When you are still young emotionally, the need for security takes precedence over all other needs. If a relationship appears to be unstable, you experience intense anxiety. Just the thought of losing a job, customer, or client can send you into a panic. To allay the anxiety, you give in to others’ unreasonable demands. If you justify this sacrifice in the name of love or practicality, you ignore the fact that you are losing your integrity and self-respect.

Is it possible to satisfy the need for security and the need for self-respect? The answer is yes, when you trust that your intuition will guide you to safety. By intuition, I mean the ability to see the meaning in events, to recognize that no matter what happens, you are confident and you will learn and grow from the experience.

Think of a time when you realized that the meaning in a shocking event was to force you to change. Did help come from seemingly out of nowhere just when you were most afraid? As John, one of my clients, put it when he got fed up with his tyrannical boss and quit, “I could hear the angels clapping when I made that tough choice.” John had been afraid he did not have the skills to succeed in his own small business, even though his job had prepared him for that option. But the part of him that valued independence pushed him to take the leap.

“That freedom-loving part of me knew I’d succeed,” John said, smiling. “It just took a while for the terrified part of me to catch up.”

How to Discover Your Values


Make a list of what you think is good, worthwhile, and true. If honesty is a top value, you do your best to tell yourself and others the truth. If you are most productive when you work with others, you do not try to work alone. When intellectual stimulation is as necessary to you as breathing, the people with whom you live and work also value thinking.

As you can see, your values are revealed by what you do, not what you say. To clarify your values, observe the choices you make over the next few weeks, in small and significant matters. Do your actions match what you say, or do you say one thing and then do another? If the latter is the case, practice until authenticity becomes second nature. Then you will succeed in ways that surprise you.
 
Nancy Anderson is a career and life consultant based in the San Francisco Bay Area and the author of the bestselling career guide Work with Passion: How to Do What You Love For a Living and Work with Passion in Midlife and Beyond: Reach Your Full Potential and Make the Money You Need. Her website is www.workwithpassion.com.



SUBSCRIBE TO RSS FEED

SHARE THIS PAGE

SHARE THIS PAGE
share:

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER

CONNECT TO NEW WORLD LIBRARY

ARCHIVES

September 2018 (3)
August 2018 (4)
July 2018 (4)
June 2018 (5)
May 2018 (7)
April 2018 (5)
March 2018 (5)
February 2018 (5)
January 2018 (5)
December 2017 (3)
November 2017 (6)
October 2017 (6)
September 2017 (6)
August 2017 (6)
July 2017 (5)
June 2017 (7)
May 2017 (6)
April 2017 (6)
March 2017 (8)
February 2017 (5)
January 2017 (5)
December 2016 (6)
November 2016 (8)
October 2016 (6)
September 2016 (7)
August 2016 (6)
July 2016 (6)
June 2016 (7)
May 2016 (7)
April 2016 (6)
March 2016 (7)
February 2016 (6)
January 2016 (6)
December 2015 (4)
November 2015 (7)
October 2015 (7)
September 2015 (6)
August 2015 (7)
July 2015 (9)
June 2015 (9)
May 2015 (8)
April 2015 (9)
March 2015 (9)
February 2015 (8)
January 2015 (8)
December 2014 (7)
November 2014 (7)
October 2014 (9)
September 2014 (9)
August 2014 (8)
July 2014 (10)
June 2014 (8)
May 2014 (9)
April 2014 (8)
March 2014 (9)
February 2014 (9)
January 2014 (7)
December 2013 (7)
November 2013 (4)
October 2013 (5)
September 2013 (4)
August 2013 (4)
July 2013 (3)
June 2013 (3)
May 2013 (4)
April 2013 (4)
March 2013 (3)
February 2013 (3)
January 2013 (2)
December 2012 (4)
November 2012 (4)
October 2012 (5)
September 2012 (2)
August 2012 (3)
July 2012 (2)
June 2012 (3)
May 2012 (2)
April 2012 (3)
March 2012 (5)
February 2012 (3)
January 2012 (4)
December 2011 (4)
November 2011 (3)
October 2011 (4)
September 2011 (5)
August 2011 (4)
July 2011 (2)
June 2011 (3)
May 2011 (3)
April 2011 (4)
March 2011 (4)
February 2011 (3)
January 2011 (1)
December 2010 (3)
November 2010 (3)
October 2010 (4)
September 2010 (2)
August 2010 (4)
July 2010 (4)
June 2010 (2)
May 2010 (4)
April 2010 (5)
March 2010 (5)
February 2010 (1)