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February 2009 |
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The Top 5 Reasons That Books Make Great Valentine's Day Gifts |
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Meet Marc Lesser, author of Less
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"Choose ME before WE" by Christine Arylo, author of Choosing ME before We |
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Hot New World Library titles — save 40%!
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The top five reasons that books make great Valentine's Day gifts: |
1. Give books, not chocolate. We say, expand your brain not your waistline.
2. With a book, you know you have a reliable Valentine's date.
3. They're cheaper than diamonds.
4. Intellectual stimulation is sexy.
5. You can curl up with it and your significant other.
Have fun, and celebrate the love in your life!
— Your friends at New World Library
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Meet Marc Lesser |
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| You talk about the overwhelming busyness that's present in our culture. What factors are playing into this busyness epidemic? |
Two factors that fuel the busyness epidemic are technology and our assumptions regarding time. The Internet and all its many uses (email, blogs, online purchases, newsfeeds, Twitter, etc., etc.) and our ability to carry all this technology, and more, in our pockets is one factor underlying our nonstop work and nonstop busyness. We can become addicted to staying connected, checking our email, blurring the lines between work and not-work.
For the most part, I believe that our overreliance on these otherwise useful tools gives us a false, and often comforting, sense of being in control, and it can also fill in any uncomfortable spaces we might have in our lives. This desire for control, and avoidance of what is difficult, takes us away from the people and natural beauty that are right in front of us. And as a result, instead of being more satisfied and productive, we find ourselves anxious and depleted. Which brings me to the second point: our assumptions about time.
Our crazy busyness is also fueled by our attempt to have more control over our lives by seeing time as linear, as something that can be saved or spent. The more we develop technology and the further we move away from natural rhythms and cycles, the more this false view of time is reinforced. Though we all need to live in the realm of clock-time, we also need to be able to feel the truth and power of living in the present moment, outside of clock-time. Though we need to learn from the past and plan for the future, the real challenge — and gift — is to learn to appreciate just being alive, this breath, this body and mind.
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| What exactly is the Less Manifesto you talk about? |
| The Less Manifesto consists of five core activities to engage in less, in our work and lives: Fear, Assumptions, Distractions, Resistance, and Busyness. Sometimes to even notice these undermining behaviors, we need to slow down or create some other habits or routines — such as pausing during a busy day, meditating, or taking some kind of retreat. The point is to find more meaning, more happiness, and greater productivity through understanding and changing these specific patterns and habits in our lives. |
| How can I possibly do less when my job and my family are screaming, "More, more, more"? |
This is like the carpenter asking, "How can I possibly stop to sharpen my tools when I have so much work to do?" This question also reminds me of the Mark Twain quote, "Having lost sight of our goals, we redouble our efforts."
By doing less, by taking the time to sharpen our tools (we are the tools!), we are actually able to accomplish more with less effort.
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Choose ME Before WE: How Putting Your Most Important Partnership — the One with Yourself — First Can Create the Relationship of Your Dreams
by Christine Arylo, author of Choosing ME before WE: Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love
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If you're like most people on this planet, whether you're single, married, or partnered, there's a good chance that there is something about your relationship that isn't giving you what you want. There is something more that you think you should be getting from your guy or gal, but no matter how much you talk, fight, complain, cry, wish, or bargain, nothing ever really changes.
Maybe it's the lack of attention from your honey, or perhaps you're the one accused of being emotionally unavailable. Maybe it's the fighting or the feeling of loneliness that's got you wondering if this is just how relationships are. Or if you're single, maybe you keep finding yourself longing for that special person to show up and change your life, but you always seem to be "still waiting."
Whatever the case may be, and there sure are many when it comes to relationships, here's some good news that has the potential to change everything — and for the better:
Good news #1: You have the power to create the relationship you want, always, anytime, forever.
Good news #2: Your power comes by taking 100 percent responsibility for yourself and what you've created.
Okay, maybe the second part doesn't seem like such great news, but it is. Most people go through their entire life focused on the wrong pronouns when it comes to their romantic relationships: "If HE would just…," "SHE is always…," "I wish that WE could be more…." How many times have these phrases escaped your voice box? So much attention, complaining, and obsessing over what you have no control over, and in turn, a lot of wasted energy directed at changing things that, quite frankly, you can't.
Unless you want to become a professional "Fixer of Others" or you're into sacrificing your life's dreams just to keep your lover around (which, by the way, is so not recommended), then you've got to get your pronouns straightened out! When it comes to your relationship, the first and foremost pronoun on your mind should always be ME, because that is where every relationship starts.
The best lives are lived and created from the inside out. If it's a dynamic, fulfilling, intimate, and authentic partnership you seek, you first must create that kind of relationship with yourself.
ME before WE: What It Takes
While there are no Cliffs Notes, pills, or "five easy steps," making the following five essential promises to yourself will give you the fortitude and commitment you need to choose ME before WE.
KNOW ME. Know who you are at your core. Know your dreams, values, gifts, and more. Know the life you want to live, regardless of any relationship, societal pressures, or family expectations. Know your own emotional holes, and heal them. It's called self-awareness. Build it.
TRUTHFULLY ME. Get downright real about how honest you are with yourself. Whether it's avoidance, denial, or just flat-out delusion, both men and women lie to themselves all the time to keep away the truths that feel too scary. What lies have you told yourself about ME, HE, or WE just to keep a relationship alive? Make a vow to always be honest with ME, to never hide from the truth, no matter what. Commit to unwavering, uncompromising truth with yourself.
LOVE ME. Love yourself first and make your happiness a priority. Contrary to popular belief, loving yourself is not selfish. The more you love ME, the more you can and will love others. Ask yourself often, "Am I happy?" and give an honest reply. If the answer is no more often than not, take responsibility and change your situation. Take a vow to make your happiness a priority and to make decisions that reflect the love you have for you.
TRUST ME. When that inner voice of intuition talks to you, listen! Stop taking the advice of your voices of fear, the "shoulds," and the over-rationalized "musts." They never have your best interests at heart. Your intuition is always on your side. Make a promise to trust it and act on it.
HONOR ME. Make the choice to no longer settle for less than you truly want in your relationships. Choose to believe that what you want is possible, and do what it takes to create it.
The truth is, we all have the relationship that we choose. It may not be the one we want, but whether we like it or not, we've created it. If you want something different, the only place to start is with ME. It might not be the easiest path, but it will always be the most fulfilling one.
Based on the book Choosing ME before WE: Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love. Copyright © 2009 by Christine Arylo. Printed with permission.
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