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New World Library Unshelved

New World Library Unshelved

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Thursday, August 11, 2016
LOOKING FOR MR. RIGHT?: An excerpt from CHOOSING ME BEFORE WE by Christine Arylo
 

Far too many women spend countless hours lamenting their issues with men. Far too often, they end up “settling” for a guy who might seem like Mr. Right in some ways but who could never become a true partner or satisfy their deepest desires.

In Choosing ME before WE: Every Woman’s Guide to Life and Love, bestselling author and life coach Christine Arylo turns the topic of love relationships on its head by asking women to stop trying to find, fix, or catch a mate and to start getting real with themselves. We hope you’ll enjoy this short excerpt from the book. 

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I cringe to think about the amount of time I have spent listening to women (and listening to myself) obsess over finding the right man or making the wrong man right. And for what result? Countless wasted hours spent on the phone and far too many glasses of wine consumed! Like a broken record, we complain about, analyze, and cry over men and our unmet desires for them to love us, to hold us, to marry us, and to do [fill in the blank] to us, with us, and for us. I myself have been guilty of starting far too many sentences with “If only he...” 

This useless chatter among women has got to stop. No matter how many conversations, bottles of wine, or buckets of tears, the reality is that nothing ever really shifts when we point fingers at everything and everyone else. WE and HE never change until ME does. No matter how hard we try or how valiant the effort, we have absolutely no control over anyone but ourselves. The harder we try to manipulate, fix, or save our men and our relationships, the more exhausted and resigned we become, without ending up any better off. 

Fortunately, there’s another option available, and that is to really get to know ourselves. Not the images we present to the world, but the truest expression of ME. The quality of our relationships, and everything in life for that matter, starts with ME, not the other way around. We ultimately determine the HE and the WE by who we choose to be. It’s as straightforward as an equation: one ME + one HE = two people creating one WE. 

Our relationships are mirrors of ourselves. If we are emotionally, mentally, or spiritually unhealthy, our relationships become reflections of our wounds. Our partners reflect how we honestly feel about ourselves. If we don’t respect and honor ME, neither will our partners. If we don’t feel whole within ourselves, we will find a mate to fill in the holes for us — hello codependency! 

I finally figured out this dynamic after recognizing the universal phenomenon called the Law of Attraction. In its simplest form, this law states, “Like attracts like.” Translated to relationships, it means we attract people like us, men who reflect exactly how we feel about ourselves. Truly love yourself, and you can manifest a man who has the capacity to love unconditionally. Live as an unhappy victim of your circumstances, and along will come a mate to help you create that reality. If you are somewhere in between unwavering self-love and self-loathing victimization, it could go either way — good or bad. Yes, whether you like it or not, you are 100 percent responsible for the partner you attract and keep in your life. Only by changing your inner self can you alter your reality and relationship. 

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Christine Arylo is the bestselling author of Madly in Love with ME and Choosing ME before WEShe is an internationally recognized speaker and transformational teacher and the founder of the International Day of Self-Love. Visit her online at www.christinearylo.com.

Excerpted with permission from the book Choosing ME before WE. Copyright © 2009 by Christine Arylo.



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